Plans to create an island centre for crochet activists are set to unravel as they have come up against the mighty force of knitters across the county. Crocheteers have applied for funding for a massive purpose built centre in Burray that would show the history and tradition of their craft. Fully interactive computer displays will allow visitors to experience the thrills of double chain stitch in 3D.

Mrs Flett McGinty, 59, chair of Crotchity Crocheteers spoke at length to The Orkney News about the plans.

“It’s a great opportunity for our islands to put crochet firmly on the Orkney map. The knitters have had it all their own way up till now with their powerful lobbying of local councillors’ aunties. Many folks who have hidden away afraid to confess to their crocheting due to the mockery of knitters – just because they use 2 needles and sometimes 4 does not mean they are any better than us with 1.”

The new build which has been financed by Scot Gov with match funding from the EU is designed to reflect the very essence of the art of crochet. The elongated shape of the building with one end curving round on itself is a concrete representation of the heart of crochet – the hook. Gardens around the building will be designed to illustrate the many various stitches available to crocheteers.

Fanatical knitter Mr Cygnet Swanson has lodged a 431 page objection to the planning application which goes before the council this week.

“Whit a waste of money. This is typical of folk who sit in Edinburgh and have no idea how knitting is far more complex and skilled than crocheting , the money should come to us. I urge everyone to sign my online petition ‘Clamp Down on Crochet Dosh’ and let’s make sure this does knot go any further.”

Toilet Roll Holder (selbst)

Undaunted Mrs McGinty spent an afternoon with me demonstrating the intricacies of her skills and very kindly whipping up 4 antimacassars and a toilet toll cover for my bijou Kirkwall apartment. She has issued a challenge ‘Epic Yarn Off’ to the knitters to finally finish off the dispute and cast off once and for all the delay in the project ‘Crochet Through The Centuries: Slip Stitch Your Way Through Time’

Reporter: Fergus Graemsay