News

Special report: Telling Tails

By Fergus Graemsay

Scientists are amazed by the results of every study they have done that dogs’ have tails. Apparently due to a combination of evolution and selective breeding our canine friends have a growth at the end of their body commonly known as a tail.

Disputing the overwhelming body of evidence, landowners and those humans still in hunter gather mode, have won an incredible victory in the Scottish Parliament.

Against all science and simple good sense Scottish SNP, Tory and LibDem MSPs joined forces to reintroduce cutting off these annoying protuberances on a dog’s body. Speaking after the vote local landowner Sir Weape said:

“This is a great decision by the Scottish Parliament. Why should we always follow what other countries in Europe have done? Re-introducing cutting these tails will be welcomed by my dogs who have been using it to communicate and I was unable to understand what they were saying to one another.”

The vote reverses a decision made in 2007 which was supported by all and sundry in Scotland most notably by every Scottish dog.

Asked for a comment popular local canine and sporter of a mellifluous tail Jinxy Graemsay said:

dog tail dog tail dog tail dog taildog tail ”

 

 

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3 replies »

  1. Hmmmmmmmm
    Which ‘useless’ part of these M.P.’s could be removed?
    I have some suggestions.
    Joking aside – this is un-believable. What century are we living in? We genuinely appear to be going backwards.

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  2. Why is this reported in a jokey manner? This is mutilation without anesthetic of defenseless puppies removing some of their ability to communicate.

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  3. Satire.

    Like Jonathan Swift’s ‘Modest Proposal’ that starving poor people should sell their children to the rich, as a source of meat.

    “Disputing the overwhelming body of evidence, landowners and those humans still in hunter gather mode, have won an incredible victory in the Scottish Parliament.”

    Satire.

    Like

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