By Bernie Bell

Have readers of The Orkney News noticed how there are suddenly a lot of ads. on the telly for posh perfume and weird alcohol?  The stuff that no-one drinks at any other time of year.

It used to be Advocaat – the Advocaat came out at Christmas – less a drink, more a food supplement. I don’t know if it still exists, but the jingle is still in my head…….

“Eveninks and morninks, I drink Warninks – Warninks Advocaat”

So the Ad-men must have known what they were doing.

To advertise posh perfume, young women become elongated and – walk funny. They kind-of pivot at the hips – not swaying – pivoting – and striding, like slightly menacing automatons.

The fact is, until  the telly comes to us with smella-vison, however hard they try to in adverts,  it’s not possible to get across what something smells like, except by smelling it.

There one for a man’s scent, called ‘Bad Boy’, and the young man advertising it reeeeally doesn’t fit the part.  He looks like he’s ‘something in the City’ and showers three times a day.

In ‘A Streetcar named Desire’, you can smell Marlon Brando, just from his screen presence. Probably didn’t smell very pleasant, but it’s there, as part of the character.

The other thing the ads are pushing, is huge spreads of Christmas party food. Christmas parties?  Maybe not such a good idea, this year.

Britain may be teetering on the brink of chaos, but, hey – never mind – stuff your face with cheap party food, and let the indigestion distract you from the greater ills.

It’s a strange un-real world, the world of advertising, where posh perfume makes you walk funny.