By Edwin Heath

There was a young man

From the parish of Holm,

Who, when in a jam,

Would never eat Spam.

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He loved his CB.

Though on sitting for tea –

Heard his wife say, “Oh damn,

W’iv run oot o’ ham …

Would you settle for lamb?”

Och, nivver!”, said he.

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“Jest fetch me a dram

While I saddle me ram,

Then call Mrs Yam

On the auld CB.

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Ah’m nae wantin’ no lamb,

Nor nivver no Spam …

But a Holm ‘ham’’s ham

Wid dae nicely for me!”