By Linda Greig

Up and Doon and up and Doon

Ma laddie jus hod yer whish an spoon!

Stoogin doon on yin flair wance Mair

Again I buffed aw braw. Mistook ma laddie calm

…But Naw!!!

What a fricht I saw! Yet yon mair grasp in palm….

Fling shot clap shot clap aboot ma bonce!

Feeling the waftin hurtlin tattie loss.

Shot clap ‘Iya!’ I’m in a flap,

Food ooer his lap and he winna nap.

Clapshot shots o Tattie tatterin ma richt guid new flair!

Ma hoose disgraced tatties tatterimg aw aboot the place….an in ma face! He got me a richt red raw tattie flatter, Aye richt in ma Eye eye!

Ma laddie a fair guid clapshot shot!

But…Noo he ai whingin aw famished he flung the clap in ma trap and ate naught!!!?

I’m hod a wisht fae tatties noo….better wrench a bucket an scoor wance mair. …Tatties….Tatties Clap get shot the lot! Tatties Tata!!!