This is an ice berg lettuce

The shock announcement of strict limitations on the sale of ice berg lettuce was greeted with disbelief by many residents of Orkney when they discovered there were green vegetables. The hearts of the people of Orkney go out to those suffering in the leafy tree abundant streets of the south.

Mrs Flett McGinty has set up a crowd fund to support the hard pressed Londoners who are unable to buy more than three iceberg lettuces at a time.

Mrs McGinty,72, Sandwick, said: ” It is in times of food shortage like this that we must pull together. I set up this crowd fund as soon as I heard the distressing news from me neighbour Cygnet Swanson”

The Aubergine (French)

The Orkney News understands from sources that aubergines may be next on the list of valuable food sources to be rationed. The aubergine, also known as the egg plant by folk that cannae speak French, is a hard skinned slippy devil that requires a sharp knife. It is very popular in Edinburgh.

It is not known if other varieties of lettuce have been rationed but without the iceberg as a filling sandwich makers are struggling to redesign the £5.99 chicken and mayo wrap.

Reporter: Fergus Graemsay