News

Secrets of Swona:Sanctuary or Stockade?

Animal activists swooped on the isolated island of Swona on a dawn raid on Thursday in an attempt to rescue five squirrel monkeys. The monkeys: Sara, Pauline, Olaf, Orlando and Felicity, are thought to have been kept on the island for 3 years.

A purpose built facility on Swona was detected by the activists with the use of drone and satellite footage and showed a fenced off section of the island with outbuildings. Security cameras and lighting appear around the perimeter.

According to the animal activists, ‘Thor’s Angels’, the squirrel monkeys are what is left of a top secret experiment which is being conducted by a major Arms company.

Derrin Dou, speaking on behalf of Thor’s Angels told us:

“The monkeys have been exposed to high levels of radiation. This has caused a genetic change and increased all their abilities a million fold. Some people are calling them Monster Monkeys”

Derrin went on:

“They are not monsters to us. Sara, Pauline, Olaf, Orlando and Felicity are part of us. We are all primates. We will not allow Arms companies to use weaponised animals.”

squirrel monkey

The Squirrel Monkey known as Sara

A spokesperson on behalf of the Arms company involved (which cannot be named for security reasons) said:

“This raid on our squirrel monkey sanctuary was irresponsible. It failed miserably when Sara detected the approach of Thor’s Angels when they were leaving Scrabster.”

“Along with her fellow monkeys she set off our sanctuary defence mechanisms and the raiders were immobilised.” 

Recovering in Raigmore Hospital, Inverness, Derrin and the other Thor’s Angels indicated that another raid would not be on the cards.

Obtaining information about the squirrels has been almost impossible as the facility is closed off to the public and attempts to access company records has been denied for security reasons. It is known, however, that six squirrel monkeys were originally transported to Swona although only five now reside there.

The whereabouts of the sixth monkey is not known.

Reporter: Fergus Graemsay

 

 

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3 replies »

  1. It looks like we have some mutant frogs – or at least one mutant frog. A week or so ago, Mike saw a strange looking frog, with bits growing out of the sides of it’s mouth. Day before yesterday, I saw a similar frog – probably the same one, and at least 3 others, squirming around in the sediment at the bottom of the pond. The thing is, they’re HUGE! We’re calling them the X-Frogs – mutants. I don’t know what they’re super-powers are…..yet!
    This is NOT fake news – it’s true!

    Maybe it’s because of the Swona radiation………

    Maybe they’ll meet up with the sixth monkey, Donald Trump and the weird Dutch bloke, and aim for world domination!

    EEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!

    Liked by 1 person

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