This article is being written in the fallout of an ongoing life changing event that opened my eyes and kept them open whilst being wheeled through the mechanisms of our state.

It is from this perspective of finger nail grip, that I speak. At this stage my injury and its effects on me are somewhat secondary to the actual reality of how our society functions.

The mistakes of the past are about to be repeated and we allow our fellow man to suffer in silence due to effective inaction by those charged with change. The system effects have triggered a deep loathing of process and procedure. Bound to dead words by people incapable of actionable change.

Cauda Equina Syndrome (CES) is the injury that took me down and subjected me, for the first time in 2 decades, to the whims and machinations of the state.

I have attempted this article previously for the benefit of Orkney News on the topic of my experience. In honesty, the words felt hollow and rang empty.

I speak not to enrage or to garner sympathy for all choices have ultimately been my own, but what a fool I feel even contemplating that anything about our “safety nets” were true.

Currently I am feeding my truth about state trauma into the universal credit system. It is an unruly method of voice, but at least my state knows my state against my National Insurance Number now.

The ability to action effective change is the systemic failure in our political and social systems.

We are all subjected to recursive processes whilst only a few seem to crack recursion in life to their own satisfaction.

It was only until CES that I realised how much of humanity was already locked up, prior to the “pandemic”, it is wilful blindness which I walked the life prior to CES, now post injury I ponder what white male privileges were. The label and prize from the machine of being labelled a disabled.

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Ed’s Note From NHS Website:

Cauda equina syndrome is a rare and severe type of spinal stenosis where all of the nerves in the lower back suddenly become severely compressed.